Days when life feels endless and burdensome are constant, understandably in this day and age. Time taken away from personal development by forced responsibilities, necessities, and incredible struggle against the odds allow people to falter, stumble and fall. At times, even with our best intentions forward, we burden others and hurt them by trying to cling too hard. Our desperation to not lose what we think is there makes us prickly, like porcupines on alert, distrusting and frightened.
It's amazing that people survive lately. With so many people killing themselves out of desperation and fear, their mind is locked into a predesigned box, made by politicians, relatives, and friends who stuck the nails into the coffins before anyone was ready to lie in them. No one ever wants to be blamed for someone else's disastrous downfall. No one wants responsibility or to remember that there were times when they should have said one thing but said another. Sometimes the words we utter brew from spite, anger, jealousy, but I think that most of all, those hurtful or apathetic words come from casting our own iron box around ourselves, a protective mechanism with bold letters printed on its shell saying "Do not come near. I can't afford to care this much about you. It's better if I just pretend I don't see your pain because really, would you even care about mine?" and the other person casts a similar box.
Boxes within boxes, all leading up to misunderstandings and confusion. Less and less human interaction, less desire to help others. Even agencies designed to help others have preferred a technology based method of communication. Who has ever heard of not being able to see a welfare worker face to face to discuss progress? How can someone without a job, afford to use a home based internet to apply for benefits? A president with an email on his own webpage, but the words sent there fall on deaf ears... and still, more and more people dying. Over and over again. People are dying. Emergency control over the internet? What happens then? The internet is a WORLD WIDE DATA BASE. Inhibit other countries internet access just to promote oneself and to abuse the system of communication? cut...people...off...some more. More people dying.
Happiness. I wonder if my children will understand what real happiness is. I wonder if the world will be overtaken by condos where we can't even have a cat for a child to learn what it's like to cherish something that breathes but isn't human. I wonder if they'll know what it's like to lay under a tree on a hot summer day counting the beams of light filtering through the trees. Will they understand the concept of inner peace? Or will they be swarmed by the dramatic rants from teachers and politicians about their 'civil' duties as children... when will they play again. I only see politicians kids and rich peoples kids with swings in their backyard... no one I know actually has a backyard big enough for a swing set anymore.
More people dying.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Someone please attack the marshmellow girl before she eats the walls.
Surely those of you who read the title of this entry have a vague idea that this post is about eating habits. You'd be correct. See, I'm a typical plutonian. I have natural curves that once upon a time were a good thing for the following reasons: child bearing, wearing body-shape specific clothing, and tribal sacrifices to the fertility goddess. I think that last one might be a joke but for all we know its probably true SOMEWHERE.
Either way, I find it interesting how people who barely know girls like me feel the need to interject their ideas on how a person should live their life without first getting the facts. I have affirmed that this usually results in a brilliant display of a persons misguided ignorance. They may FEEL they are helping someone, but they are in fact NOT. Why are their tips not helping? Why do they result as being hurtful or just downright annoying? Simply put, because they don't do their research on the person they are speaking to.
Take for example this scenario. A girl who works a front desk position for 2 days a week, 11 hours a week. The only time the staff see's her is on Friday afternoons right after she comes straight from her classes, and all day Saturday. On Friday she doesn't get to eat during the whole day because directly from her classes she goes straight to work, and since she works only 4 hours that day she doesn't get a lunch break (legally its fair. I mean they can't pay her to go have lunch just because she had class right?) but she IS hungry and if she's too tired and drained, she won't do her job properly right? In that case, the girl has a yogurt. She had brought a salad too but when one of her coworkers noticed she was shying away a bit because she felt uncomfortable eating anything while someone crowds over her, he called her out on it. tsk tsk mr. coworker. You don't know her eating habits. Leave the poor marshmellow girl alone!
The next day is a similar situation. She wakes up at 6am to rush getting dressed and packing her things (a laptop and a few books to keep her entertained since saturdays can be deadly boring at a lab where only strictly dedicated people show up on saturday). She can't have breakfast because she absolutely has to catch the 7am train. She picks up a BAGEL and ORANGE JUICE on her way to work. She is halfway through eating it when the lab doors are opened and she's allowed in so she brings what is left of her breakfast with her. Four hours pass and her half hour lunch is starting but in a Downtown area where healthy meals cost $20 and up, her only other options are fast food joints (mostly because of the time constraint as well. To get anywhere other than the McDonalds takes about 10 minutes, then if you count prep time of the food, add another ten, then a final ten to get back to work. She has no choice but to eat at the front desk). She takes her food and sits down to eat and two of her coworkers feel the need to strike judgement before really thinking things through.
Before OPENING YOUR MOUTH TO LET SOMETHING OUT, -take consideration of what the marshmellow girl PUTS INTO HER MOUTH when you're NOT watching. Marshmellow girl is the type of girl who lives for hiking in the woods, eating Kashi Wildberry mix cereals, granola bars with pieces of strawberry in it. Yogurt, and fruit, and salads with raspberry vinagrette are the STAPLES of her actual diet. So before you look at the burger ( A MEDIUM SIZED MEAL BY THE WAY. not even a large!) and frown in your mind thinking "gee I wonder how she became marshmellow girl", ask her what type of foods she eats at home, what her favorite fruits are, what she likes to drink. Or better yet, spend some actual one on one time with her, observe her regularly instead of on two days when she has no other choice than to act like a behemoth because her financial situation is tight and she can't afford to make an extra meal two nights out of the week just to throw out the leftovers that her parents wont eat because its HEALTHY. Consider knowing who you're judging before passing judgement. Or do the AMAZINGLY DIFFICULT THING of NOT judging someone at all. For all we know, you guys might like using razorblade dildos in your private time, HEY I DON'T JUDGE, JUST USE SOME ANTISEPTIC AND MAKE SURE TO CLEAN OFF THE BLOOD.
At the end of the day though, for all it's worth, just make DAMN sure you don't look at Marshmellow girl as though she is any less than any of you because I assure you, she's one of the best damn people you will ever meet and if a little beef patty once a week and a cup of yogurt are going to turn you off, then maybe you're the one who isn't good enough for her!
I'm craving yogurt, BITE ME;
Forever my own person,
Plutonia
Either way, I find it interesting how people who barely know girls like me feel the need to interject their ideas on how a person should live their life without first getting the facts. I have affirmed that this usually results in a brilliant display of a persons misguided ignorance. They may FEEL they are helping someone, but they are in fact NOT. Why are their tips not helping? Why do they result as being hurtful or just downright annoying? Simply put, because they don't do their research on the person they are speaking to.
Take for example this scenario. A girl who works a front desk position for 2 days a week, 11 hours a week. The only time the staff see's her is on Friday afternoons right after she comes straight from her classes, and all day Saturday. On Friday she doesn't get to eat during the whole day because directly from her classes she goes straight to work, and since she works only 4 hours that day she doesn't get a lunch break (legally its fair. I mean they can't pay her to go have lunch just because she had class right?) but she IS hungry and if she's too tired and drained, she won't do her job properly right? In that case, the girl has a yogurt. She had brought a salad too but when one of her coworkers noticed she was shying away a bit because she felt uncomfortable eating anything while someone crowds over her, he called her out on it. tsk tsk mr. coworker. You don't know her eating habits. Leave the poor marshmellow girl alone!
The next day is a similar situation. She wakes up at 6am to rush getting dressed and packing her things (a laptop and a few books to keep her entertained since saturdays can be deadly boring at a lab where only strictly dedicated people show up on saturday). She can't have breakfast because she absolutely has to catch the 7am train. She picks up a BAGEL and ORANGE JUICE on her way to work. She is halfway through eating it when the lab doors are opened and she's allowed in so she brings what is left of her breakfast with her. Four hours pass and her half hour lunch is starting but in a Downtown area where healthy meals cost $20 and up, her only other options are fast food joints (mostly because of the time constraint as well. To get anywhere other than the McDonalds takes about 10 minutes, then if you count prep time of the food, add another ten, then a final ten to get back to work. She has no choice but to eat at the front desk). She takes her food and sits down to eat and two of her coworkers feel the need to strike judgement before really thinking things through.
Before OPENING YOUR MOUTH TO LET SOMETHING OUT, -take consideration of what the marshmellow girl PUTS INTO HER MOUTH when you're NOT watching. Marshmellow girl is the type of girl who lives for hiking in the woods, eating Kashi Wildberry mix cereals, granola bars with pieces of strawberry in it. Yogurt, and fruit, and salads with raspberry vinagrette are the STAPLES of her actual diet. So before you look at the burger ( A MEDIUM SIZED MEAL BY THE WAY. not even a large!) and frown in your mind thinking "gee I wonder how she became marshmellow girl", ask her what type of foods she eats at home, what her favorite fruits are, what she likes to drink. Or better yet, spend some actual one on one time with her, observe her regularly instead of on two days when she has no other choice than to act like a behemoth because her financial situation is tight and she can't afford to make an extra meal two nights out of the week just to throw out the leftovers that her parents wont eat because its HEALTHY. Consider knowing who you're judging before passing judgement. Or do the AMAZINGLY DIFFICULT THING of NOT judging someone at all. For all we know, you guys might like using razorblade dildos in your private time, HEY I DON'T JUDGE, JUST USE SOME ANTISEPTIC AND MAKE SURE TO CLEAN OFF THE BLOOD.
At the end of the day though, for all it's worth, just make DAMN sure you don't look at Marshmellow girl as though she is any less than any of you because I assure you, she's one of the best damn people you will ever meet and if a little beef patty once a week and a cup of yogurt are going to turn you off, then maybe you're the one who isn't good enough for her!
I'm craving yogurt, BITE ME;
Forever my own person,
Plutonia
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Where's the money?!
Has anyone noticed how quickly $100 disappears as of late? It's frightening. Twenty years ago, I remember that 5 dollars would last almost the whole week. I remember when Cookie Crisp cereal was 1.98 plus tax per box. I remember when it was ok to have THREE birthday cakes for someones birthday (if it was a big party and they were home made but STILL. IT WAS THREE CAKES!)
Now I'm 24. A month away from becoming 25. I realize that almost everything including a meal at McDonalds totals up to about $10. What does this mean to the typical part time worker / student? It means that 76% of our paychecks will be gone in less than a week if we make less than $300 every two weeks. If you have a contract cell phone and have to buy a bus pass then consider yourself latched at home and praying that something good on tv or a new anime comes on or that you can at least entertain yourself with some extremely absorbing mathematics or chemistry problems from the review packet of your next exam. At the very least, you might hope that your parents buy some paint to redo the living room just so you can watch PAINT DRY!
This isn't to say there are no options out there for free or almost free entertainment, but it does appear that people are going to have to start adjusting their idea of what entertainment really is in the first place. Hip Hop clubs with half naked women and ghetto girls bouncing their gadoonkadoonks? Sorry guys, those are now considered a hot item and you'll be paying at least $45 by the time the evening is over, don't assume the entry fee into the club is all there is. Ski trips and snowboarding? Only if you live in that type of area and can find a place of your own to do it for free, most of those places are now a luxury with a price tag to make someone want to sell their ovaries or their first born to science. I think you get the idea. What can be done for free? Book clubs, poetry clubs, art gallery openings, park fairs (sometimes its like $4 for an entry fee though). The point is, don't give up who you are, but find out if who you are is capable of appreciating something outside of your comfort zone. It might save you a LOT of money in the long run.
From my low paying front desk job;
Plutonia
Now I'm 24. A month away from becoming 25. I realize that almost everything including a meal at McDonalds totals up to about $10. What does this mean to the typical part time worker / student? It means that 76% of our paychecks will be gone in less than a week if we make less than $300 every two weeks. If you have a contract cell phone and have to buy a bus pass then consider yourself latched at home and praying that something good on tv or a new anime comes on or that you can at least entertain yourself with some extremely absorbing mathematics or chemistry problems from the review packet of your next exam. At the very least, you might hope that your parents buy some paint to redo the living room just so you can watch PAINT DRY!
This isn't to say there are no options out there for free or almost free entertainment, but it does appear that people are going to have to start adjusting their idea of what entertainment really is in the first place. Hip Hop clubs with half naked women and ghetto girls bouncing their gadoonkadoonks? Sorry guys, those are now considered a hot item and you'll be paying at least $45 by the time the evening is over, don't assume the entry fee into the club is all there is. Ski trips and snowboarding? Only if you live in that type of area and can find a place of your own to do it for free, most of those places are now a luxury with a price tag to make someone want to sell their ovaries or their first born to science. I think you get the idea. What can be done for free? Book clubs, poetry clubs, art gallery openings, park fairs (sometimes its like $4 for an entry fee though). The point is, don't give up who you are, but find out if who you are is capable of appreciating something outside of your comfort zone. It might save you a LOT of money in the long run.
From my low paying front desk job;
Plutonia
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Quarter of a Century.... and where has it gotten me.
Hello,
I'm Plutonia. I'm about to turn 25 years old. My previous relationships have all been.... complicated (but thats normal isn't it?). My dreams? ..... I guess you could say they changed a lot over the years but as of now they are to become a professor in Marine Archaeologist and a novelist. Both are extremely far fetched and a bit of a stretch considering my cultural scope. Friends? One amazing actor who loves Bette Davis and puts up with WAY too much of my pseudo-narcissistic paranoid crap. Another who is a wonderful and sweet chicky who wants to be a criminal investigator (have you EVER seen anyone who looks like they should be on the pep squad talking about homicide investigations? Yeahhh.) Another who is recently married and the mother of a brilliant and artistic little girl.
Oh yeah. I'm also an artist with not much to account for the title. I am a lot of things. A history buff, a bookworm, an artist with her head in the clouds, a photographer with no darkroom, and an outdoorsy chick who....never gets to do exciting outdoorsy things and doesn't get nearly enough exercise to claim she likes to be sporty (BUT I DO I DO. OH HOW I DO. I love tennis and soccer and hockey and snowboarding and skiing and all of the wonderful things I am far too limited to do! The distress. Woe be me. BUT I DO LOVE THESE THINGS AND DOING THEM!)
The rest of my friends include a very strongwilled girl obsessed with flamenco and tennis. A chilean who is a wiz at math and science but often underestimated. There are a few others... one of the things I've noticed though is that online friendships... they don't last that long. People start to develop this idea that you owe them a bigger piece of your life than you really do. Yes, it is always honorable to maintain friendships and care for others, yes it is wonderful to be able to extend affection beyond the limited borders of our own environment but it is NOT okay for anyone to assume that they can constantly toss responsibility on you for their life when you have not asked the same of them, especially from miles and miles away.
I really really want to get to the point of this post though. I'm turning 25 very soon and hopefully getting my A.A. in Commercial and Graphic Arts. Truth be told, I could have done so much by now. I limited myself, I stayed stuck on the past or trying to fix a past that wasn't fixable in the first place. I put myself in situations where I already knew the outcome would be bad but I felt that if maybe I made just one tiny decision differently, the outcome would somehow be altered into this wonderful and exciting life filled with virtues that just plainly were not meant to exist within those situations. I accept responsibility for this.
I also had a lot of roadblocks growing up. I was abused by a relatives husband as a little girl. I chose to pop pills in high school so I could always be ready and alert, but in the process I ended up hurting myself by exhausting my natural energy. I drained myself of my identity, and others took whatever was left for what they could. I was told I loved things like the color lavender/purple, or backstreet boys, I was given a warped sense of religion and familial duty. Forgive and forget was applied WAY too many times to things that were NOT forgivable or forgettable. I was put in inhumane emotionally dysfunctional environments.... and I placed myself in them too when I was old enough to recognize the worse of them.
A lot of people view me with so many different mirrors that it gets tiring to keep up a constant routine of taking off one emotional straight jacket and putting on another. Each smile has to be different because to each person my smiles mean different things. I have to watch what I say and when I say it...
But How Far Has This Mentality Gotten Me? Not very far.
So here I am, on a new blog, exploring who it is I really want to be. I know what profession I want. I know what lifestyle I want. Those were a bit easier to figure out. But now lets figure out who I am.
At times these posts might get intense or frustrating. Other times they may seem like purely lighthearted rubbish. Most of the time though, I hope they become insightful, and help you all along your journeys to figuring out if your Quarter of A Century, or Half a Century, or Three Fourths of a Century, are what you want them to be.
Never give up, Never surrender. Do not resort to limiting yourself just by your precognitions of who you THOUGHT you were.
I'll try my damnedest to follow my own advice.
With the future in sight;
Plutonia!
I'm Plutonia. I'm about to turn 25 years old. My previous relationships have all been.... complicated (but thats normal isn't it?). My dreams? ..... I guess you could say they changed a lot over the years but as of now they are to become a professor in Marine Archaeologist and a novelist. Both are extremely far fetched and a bit of a stretch considering my cultural scope. Friends? One amazing actor who loves Bette Davis and puts up with WAY too much of my pseudo-narcissistic paranoid crap. Another who is a wonderful and sweet chicky who wants to be a criminal investigator (have you EVER seen anyone who looks like they should be on the pep squad talking about homicide investigations? Yeahhh.) Another who is recently married and the mother of a brilliant and artistic little girl.
Oh yeah. I'm also an artist with not much to account for the title. I am a lot of things. A history buff, a bookworm, an artist with her head in the clouds, a photographer with no darkroom, and an outdoorsy chick who....never gets to do exciting outdoorsy things and doesn't get nearly enough exercise to claim she likes to be sporty (BUT I DO I DO. OH HOW I DO. I love tennis and soccer and hockey and snowboarding and skiing and all of the wonderful things I am far too limited to do! The distress. Woe be me. BUT I DO LOVE THESE THINGS AND DOING THEM!)
The rest of my friends include a very strongwilled girl obsessed with flamenco and tennis. A chilean who is a wiz at math and science but often underestimated. There are a few others... one of the things I've noticed though is that online friendships... they don't last that long. People start to develop this idea that you owe them a bigger piece of your life than you really do. Yes, it is always honorable to maintain friendships and care for others, yes it is wonderful to be able to extend affection beyond the limited borders of our own environment but it is NOT okay for anyone to assume that they can constantly toss responsibility on you for their life when you have not asked the same of them, especially from miles and miles away.
I really really want to get to the point of this post though. I'm turning 25 very soon and hopefully getting my A.A. in Commercial and Graphic Arts. Truth be told, I could have done so much by now. I limited myself, I stayed stuck on the past or trying to fix a past that wasn't fixable in the first place. I put myself in situations where I already knew the outcome would be bad but I felt that if maybe I made just one tiny decision differently, the outcome would somehow be altered into this wonderful and exciting life filled with virtues that just plainly were not meant to exist within those situations. I accept responsibility for this.
I also had a lot of roadblocks growing up. I was abused by a relatives husband as a little girl. I chose to pop pills in high school so I could always be ready and alert, but in the process I ended up hurting myself by exhausting my natural energy. I drained myself of my identity, and others took whatever was left for what they could. I was told I loved things like the color lavender/purple, or backstreet boys, I was given a warped sense of religion and familial duty. Forgive and forget was applied WAY too many times to things that were NOT forgivable or forgettable. I was put in inhumane emotionally dysfunctional environments.... and I placed myself in them too when I was old enough to recognize the worse of them.
A lot of people view me with so many different mirrors that it gets tiring to keep up a constant routine of taking off one emotional straight jacket and putting on another. Each smile has to be different because to each person my smiles mean different things. I have to watch what I say and when I say it...
But How Far Has This Mentality Gotten Me? Not very far.
So here I am, on a new blog, exploring who it is I really want to be. I know what profession I want. I know what lifestyle I want. Those were a bit easier to figure out. But now lets figure out who I am.
At times these posts might get intense or frustrating. Other times they may seem like purely lighthearted rubbish. Most of the time though, I hope they become insightful, and help you all along your journeys to figuring out if your Quarter of A Century, or Half a Century, or Three Fourths of a Century, are what you want them to be.
Never give up, Never surrender. Do not resort to limiting yourself just by your precognitions of who you THOUGHT you were.
I'll try my damnedest to follow my own advice.
With the future in sight;
Plutonia!
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